Saturday, April 18, 2015


My form appeared like a dream to sentient beings who are like a dream. I taught them dreamlike teaching to attain dreamlike enlightenment. - Buddha

Most people no matter what they do, don’t have enough time to waste. Except me. I have so much time in my hands that I don't know what to do. Last night was the birthday  party for my friend. The Stranger and I went to downtown Toronto club around 10:30 and we stayed until almost 2 am. We were dancing and enjoying. 

Today is Saturday, the Stranger went home and right now, I have no clue what to do. 

Maybe it is a time to become cynical and hypocritical. I could tell you to go to study philosophy or anthropology or something to pursue your dreams and when you succeed to get a degree in such subjects you will see you will never have enough money for daily living. That is the truth of our dreamlike existence. Following the heart is not always good thing.

Why I mentioned that? You see, from my early age I was told to pursue my dreams. I'm told that I can be whatever I want to be; a prince, policeman, firefighter or President, but then as I get older and get closer towards teen years I'm slowly programmed into believing that none of what I learned is possible. In my teens I was told to be more realistic. 

Now, I'm reaching a point when I am able to admit to myself, “I’m happy with small things, I have no more expectations from life”. Well, this is a shocking realization. It’s hard to look at the life — at all of my work and effort and time and energy and hopes and dreams — and to face my emptiness in its cold and dark perspective.

It’s painful to say, - I don't want anything more. This should be it.

Because once you do that, once you acknowledge the end of longing for more, then you are faced with an inner urgency to stop doing something about it. When you finally realize you’re on the wrong path, lost in the dreamlike existence, you want to change course immediately and run with all your might, with arms spread open, in the right direction.

But what if you don’t know what the right direction is? 

And then you read on the net... The world has changed, ladies and gentlemen. Today, there is another opportunity to fulfill the imagination of your dreamstate reality. There's no excuse to waste your time doing something you have no interest doing. If you're stuck look no further than towards your attitude. 


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Thursday, April 16, 2015

I am back :)

Yesterday at 6 pm I went to full primary class at the local studio. The class was 1.5 hours long and it was hard but I enjoy it, the breath counts were exactly how I like, I sweat a lot and felt refreshed after the practice. 

This morning, I woke up in a good mood. At 6 Am the sun just starts raising so it is not dark. I am a morning person, waking up in a good mood is normal thing for me. I simply adore morning and especially sunrise.

My yoga practice started at 7:30, I felt the energy, I was bandy and strong. On the end of the practice just before shavasana, I sat in  cross-legged position and I meditated for 15 minutes. It had no thoughts, my face lit up, I did not feel my weight, I was too tired to move and I was just awareness. That's it. 

I got up from the mat and my life returned to me. 

Where am I? What is going on? 

The Stranger first comes to my mind. As I know her, more and more, I see she is a hard working woman with lots of energy. I'm missing her a lot but I don't complain. I'll see her tomorrow, we're going to my friend's birthday party. We will dance and have a good time.

As you noticed Laura, we do plan things together. But you are right I don't love her, I am in love with her. For me to love is to support her but to be in love with her is not only to support her in any possible way, but also to admire her to the point that it motivates me to be patient, strong and to take care about myself.

You told me Laura, that my love is desire and fear of losing her. I thought a lot about that. I can say that, when I am able to feel love, when I am able to be in love without attaching the need for that love, I feel happy. 

I want to share with her what I desire, ultimately I am free, my well-being does not depend on anybody. The need to detach from the relationship is a kind of freedom I must have in order to be fully satisfied. I can love from my desire to love, not the need to love. And, in the end, isn't that what we all desire? Isn't that the whole point of relationship? 

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Why do people keep asking?

What is the meaning of life?
written by Scott Berkun

Each week I take the top voted topic from readers and answer it. With 45 votes, this week’s winner was “What is the meaning of life (and why do people continually ask this question).”

I've yet to hear my dog ask this question. He seems pretty damn satisfied with existence. You could conclude that we’re better off not even asking about meaning. Kids don’t ask it, at least not with the same angst adults do. There is mild merit to the phrase ignorance is bliss, as ignorance comes in both pleasant and painful forms, and if yours is the former, and you don’t fear boredom, you can float with contentment along the surface of existence never exploring what lurks beneath. There’s a zen proverb that says “Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water” and I consider this saying often. No matter how much you understand or don’t about your life, you still have to do the living.

Most of living involves simple tasks. The answer to the question might just be there is no meaning other than living life for it’s simple pleasures and responsibilities, and modern life is filled with people who need kindness, and skills that can be learned and put to benevolent use. To make use of enlightenment still requires putting that enlightenment into action.

The people who ask the titular question most often are those who have a life successful enough to be beyond struggling to survive. You don’t hear this question much from people struggling to find work, scavenging for food, or running for their lives every few minutes. Most living things in the history of the planet never bothered to need to ask this question in part because they were too busy trying to stay alive to have a need to occupy their minds with a supremely abstract question.

Kafka (possibly) wrote “the meaning of life is that it ends” which I love. Our choices matter because they are finite. The time I spent writing this post was time I will never get back and eventually I will die. That time is gone from me forever. Even if no one reads this post, or I decide later I hate it, it still has meaning to me because it’s where I chose to put part of my life. How I prioritize my time defines what my life means, or doesn't. This is pragmatic meaning. Meaning is not an ideal or platitude but something that I manifest in actions I take, or don’t take. In other words, the meaning of life is who you talked to, who you loved, who you helped, who you hurt, what  you built, what you destroyed, and on it goes. Camus wrote “Don’t wait for the last judgement, it takes places every day”.

Socrates said “the life that is unexamined is not worth living” which appeals to me. However I think it’d be worth living unexamined, as my dog’s daily life, or a weekend in Hawaii, are proof of the joys of hedonism, it’s just that the examined life offers many superior pleasures. Unwavering hedonism loses it’s meaning as we need contrasting experiences to fully realize what we have. No meal is better than one after a fast.

Following Socrates lead, the fundamental flaw in the question is that it’s asked in the singular. As if there was one meaning, written on a sacred mountain, visible only with a special magic spell, and all we need to do find the secret map, cast the spell, and reveal the meaning for 6 billion people as if it were a crackerjack prize. It’s an absurd premise. There are an infinite number of meanings to life. You can have several of them that serve you in different ways, or that are useful at different times. The meanings of life for an 17 year old boy, is different than for a 27 year old woman, and on it goes. We go through many meanings during life and people who have fulfilling lives take ownership of the process of shedding old meanings and cultivating new ones.

Once you ask “what are the meanings of life?”, seeking multiple answers instead of singular, doors open. It’s easy to see that different people find different meanings, and that you have to do the legwork of trying different ones out, or even crafting meanings of your own based on what you learn from others and your own experience with what has meaning for you.

The reason people keep asking the question is it’s a cliche’. It’s the most well known phrase for attempting a philosophical discussion with someone. Most people, even when discussing philosophy, stay in the abstract, shy of sharing their own personal meanings, which contributes to the frequency of the question. 

We ridicule people who ramble about meaning as navel gazers, but the mistake is merely being shy of the personal and the specific. It’s always fascinating to hear how people translate meaning into the actions of their daily lives, as generally we fail at the process, distracted by shiny objects, status symbols, fears and entertainments. We so rarely share our personal struggles with the inconsistencies of our beliefs and behaviors, but it’s in those conversations the meanings we seek can always be found.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

You found love in a hopeless place

It’s the way I’m feeling I just can’t deny
But I've gotta let it go
We found love in a hopeless place

Laura told me... Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? So really, lets write about this...

There’s a problem in dating many people get caught up — a problem where you have stronger feelings than her. This problem causes real, tangible issues. As a man, a huge question is often whether to be persistent and continue pursuing a woman even when she seems to agree for relationship with you.

Most dating advice exists to “solve” this problem for people. Say this. Text her this. Call her this many times. Wear that.

Frustration with this problem also drives many men to unnecessary manipulation, drama and game-playing. This is where you get rules about making men paying for three dates before he can become intimate or in another words, how men need to transition from attraction phase to comfort phase by qualifying three dates...

These things may seem that work and they are exciting to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating rules miss the point. If you’re in the problem to begin with, you’ve already lost.

Let repeat: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? 

There is a simple solution to this problem. You see, any relationship to work implies that both partners must be enthusiastic about the time spent in one another’s company. Why? Because you should not waste your time for people who are not excited to be with you.

This may sound a bit too simplistic to some. But consider, you will no longer be strung along by her who isn't that into you. End all of the headaches. End the wishing and hoping. End the disappoint and anger that inevitably follows. Practice self-respect. Be the breaker, not the broken.

You will no longer pursue her which is with you only for her own ego purpose. You've been there. You were so-so about somebody, but you went along with it because nothing better was around. And you have a few you’d like to take back. No more.

Resolved the problem instantly. If someone is playing games with you, playing hard to get, or pressuring you into doing something you’re unsure about, your answer is now easy. 

Always know where you stand with her. Since you’re now freeing up so much time and energy from woman who are not that into you, you now find yourself in life where intentions are clear and enthusiastic.  

Happy dating guys!!!

Friday, April 10, 2015

Life is simple

I often dream that I fly. In dream I just get from the ground and fly in a room or outside in open field. The flying envelops me. I can feel the wind, the coldness of air... It is so pleasant but it does not continue for long.

Then I wake up, but where? 

I don't just think this, I actually voice the question to myself - Where am I? As if I didn't know: I'm here. In my life. Events and the world that is my existence. Not that I particularly enjoy these matters, this condition, this state of affairs in which I am describing here on this blog. 

I have spent time in serious study of spirituality and I have found, like few others, I was searching for teachers that agreed with my concepts and made me feel great. My erroneous concept of enlightenment was that one day I would succeed and a miraculous teacher would show me a sacred practice and “I” would be awaken. 

I believed “I” would see oneness through my eyes and everything would be golden light. What do I really want out of life? Enlightenment. End of fear, permanent happiness.

I see the life and I see the control and the slavery of my fellow people

No one knows anything about what lies ahead. But that makes no difference. The same fate comes to the good and the bad, to those who are spiritual and those who are not, to those who offer humility and those who do not. 

Perhaps the deepest reason why I am afraid of death is because I have not got the answer to the question “Who Am I’. I was seeking a personal unique identity from my religion, books, beliefs, gurus and teachings. But if I dare to examine this quest, I find that my identity depends on an endless collection of things - my culture, belief, name, family, home, job, friends, wealth, position and credit cards.

It is on these fragile and transient supports that I rely for my security and identity. So when they are all taken away I have no idea of who I really am. Without these familiar things, I am faced with just myself, a stranger with whom I have been living all the time.

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Favorite Yoga Poses

My favorite yoga pose or so called asana is side plank (sanskrit: vasishtasana). It is one of the best exercises you can do for your entire core, but particularly targets an often weak stomach side muscles. 

The benefit of this pose are great. It strengthens the arms, abdomen and legs, strengthens the wrists, improves sense of balance, tones and strengthens the core, with a focus on the oblique muscles and tones the inner thigh muscle when top leg is lifted.

Regular practice reduces risks of lower back pain. In fact, researchers found that people with poor muscular endurance in their stomach area are 4 times more likely to develop lower back problems than those who have fair or good endurance. And turns out, a side-plank test is one of the best ways to gauge this endurance. 

Simply perform a side plank for as long as you can without allowing your hips to drop or drift backward. A good score is 60 seconds. If you don't meet this standard, start focusing more on your core.

Side-plank is done easily, just hold your body in a straight line from head to feet with your arm directly beneath your shoulders.  Hold the position for a five long breaths and switch the arm repeating it on the other side. When you are proficient enough try to raise upper leg and continue holding the pose.

My second favorite pose is plow pose or sanskrit: halasana. It is said that plow pose soothes the brain by relieving it from stress, tension and depression. It stimulates the functioning of the abdominal organs and thyroid gland. It stretches the spine and shoulders. For women it counters difficult menstruation. And in general, lessens fatigue and anxiety and acts as a therapy for backache, headache, insomnia... It a word it is a great pose. 

In order to perform plow pose begin with sholderstand. On exhalation, lift and fold your legs from the hip joints so that your toes reach the ground just beyond your head. Your torso should be at 90 degrees to the ground with legs fully stretched.

Once you have placed your toes on the ground, raise your thighs and tailbone towards the ceiling as you pull the inner thighs deeper within your pelvis. Extend and stretch the backs of your legs by extending with your heels, which are slightly off the ground. Make sure your throat is soft and stable.

Stay in the pose at least 10 long breaths. Gracefully exit the pose by bringing your hands to your back once again and returning to sholderstand while exhaling.

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

The myths about happiness

Want to be happier? Stop buying into myths about happiness.

You, my reader, seem to be in the middle of a happiness epidemic. Self-help book after self-help book advises you to improve your mental state by “thinking positive”. However, the more you try to be happy by thinking positive, the unhappier you make yourself.

This is what I read in a book:  The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman.

The you-can-do-it, life-is-one-big-smiley-face ethos of our contemporary culture has its value: Aggressive positivity helps many triumph over addiction, say, or build previously unimaginable businesses, even win elections and wars. But according to Oliver Burkeman, this relentless pursuit of happiness and success can also make us miserable. Exploring the dark side of the theories put forth by such icons as Norman Vincent Peale and Eckhart Tolle by looking to both ancient philosophy and current business theory, Burkeman offers up the idea that only by embracing and examining failure and loss and unhappiness will we become free of it. So in your next yoga class, try this: breathe deep, think unhappy thoughts - and feel your soul relax.  - Sara Nelson

To summarize, the book suggests that you take these 5 less traveled routes to experience true fulfillment:

1. Accept your thoughts for what they are. 

You may have bad thoughts, good thoughts, or no thoughts at all. By watching your thoughts come and go, you don’t have to be afraid about what the bad thoughts will do to you.

2. Focus on the present moment, including all of your sensations. 

Don’t judge whether the present moment is good or bad. Let the moment happen and accept its reality.

3. Learn from “failure.” 

Disappointing outcomes are just that—disappointing. If you can accept the results of your actions, for better or worse, you’ll be better able to understand why they happened.

4. Stamp out your need for self-esteem. 

If you let the need for self-esteem dominate your experiences, you’ll inevitably find yourself disappointed and even depressed about the times when events didn't turn out as you wished.

5. Allow yourself to think about mortality. 

Death, as the end of life, carries no inherent meaning. After you're gone, you won't be here to enjoy your family and friends, but you won’t know it.  By not being afraid of death, you also won’t be afraid of the future and therefore better able to accept the present.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

The scars of breakups

We live in a fast-paced society and as the result we all want everything to come as quickly as possible. We want love here and now without any concerns about feelings. But love takes time to develop, it is not a process that can be accelerated. Loving someone requires the time to truly know them. It takes honesty, it requires some risks and it takes a tremendous amount of trust. 

Yet I as well many others think we can just speed up the process, we watched too many romance movies. I know that people begin a relationship with sex instead of communication. And that is doomed to fail because love misses out real touch - intimacy. 

Can we really feel intimacy? After divorce we usually find ourself seriously hurt by the relationship.

Could it be that we hurry through love, rush relationships, speed up sex, and race through life in general because we are all too wounded to be willing to take the risk of loving someone deeply? 

Is it possible to be so damaged emotionally that we actually can't love again?

At the very core of intimate connection is ability to receive and give love. Happy marriages and healthy families are all about feeling this connection. But when divorce strikes many things disrupt this natural well-being. 

I frequently witness how capacity to love diminishes to divorced people. Everyone claims they want someone to love, yet so many mindlessly walk away from love. They just move on to the next relationship. It appears sometimes they are just another “victim” of failed love. A mother who is being cheated in marriage, left alone to raise kids, can easily be emotionally not available after divorce. 

In my example, after 22 years of marriage my ex has discovered that there is no future for us. After her I had a number of unsuccessful relationships and I actually broke up all of them. I use the word “DONE” when I describe how I felt just before ending a relationship. 

Just simply “I was done” like when I am done with something and I throw it away because it is no longer useful to me. It just struck me as sad that I am referring to some women that had actually loved me. They loved me and I wasn't able to feel it and stand it anymore. Just another sad ending that is so common when my divorce-damage comes and gives its upper hand on my emotional life. You see, I am hurt in my failed marriage and it is nothing to me to hurt other people to whom I get in contact.

What am I looking for? 

Why can’t I see the value of the person I am with? 

Why I am not willing to stick around and make the effort to create something beautiful and lasting? 

What happened to “real” love and “real” commitment?

I took my ex for granted and I under-valued other relationships that should be meaningful. With every failed relationships, I lost a piece of my heart. How many pieces of my heart can I lose and still retain the ability to love? The more break ups, the more scars and the more scars, the harder it is for me to open up next time.