Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Happy Birthday

Today is my daughter's birthday. I will meet her and my ex for dinner tonight. I'm looking forward to see them both and I hope we will have nice time. My daughter is 21 and by the all standards she is now grown up. She has one more year to graduate at the University. She has to learn to drive a car and pass the tests. And then she will go to work from 9 to 5, she will find a boyfriend, eventually get married and has kids. The life is going on...

Unfortunately our desires are shaped by the social environment and our dreams are not so different. We all have this common goal – happiness. At this moment you read this and you can be anywhere, doing anything. Instead you sit alone before this computer screen or phone. So what is stopping you from doing what you want, being where you wanna be?

Each day you wake up in the same room, following the same path to live the same day as yesterday. Yet at one time, each day was a new adventure. Along the way something changed. In childhood, your days were timeless, now your days are scheduled. 

Is this what it means to be grownup, to be free, but are you really free?  Food, water and land, the very elements you need to survive are owned by corporations, so you must obey their rules.

Live authentically, passionately and gracefully. The key for such living is simple - don't take life personally. Don't let compliments get to your head and don't let criticism get you down. 

Let everyday to be a Friday, every single day and do not look for approvals. If you base all your actions on the approval of others, ultimately you will loose your own happiness. Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's hands. Learn how to say "no" to people and obligations that do not add some value to your life.

You will never get to where you want to be by complaining about where you are now. Each step in your life is preparing you for the one that comes after it. Learn to slow down. 

Happy Birthday!!!

Love you.


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Monday, July 6, 2015

Yoga asanas

Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana. This pose goes by various English translations and the best is: Extended Hand to Big Toe Pose.

This pose strengthens and stretches the legs and ankles. It deeply stretches the hamstrings (the back thigh muscles), while gently opening the hips, shoulders, and arms. This pose challenges and improves your sense of balance, which in turn develops greater concentration and focus. 

This is a deep stretch when practiced in correct alignment. If you have tight hamstrings, this pose may seem impossible and unrealistic! But with patience and dedication, your flexibility will improve. Just remember to take it slowly and never force the pose.

Sarvangasana (shoulder stand) is known as the queen of yoga postures. Here are some specific benefits of practicing this particular pose every day:

1. It bathes the lymph nodes in fresh lymph by increasing the circulation around the lymphatic system. This nourishes the whole body.

2. Inverting the body from the neck up means that gravity increases the venous blood flow to the heart, brain and eyes. This relaxes the heart and decreases the heart rate, and it brings clarity to the mind and sight.

3. It lengthens the spinal nerves, which relieves tension in the head, neck and shoulders.

4. It is excellent for those suffering from thyroid disorders. Shoulder stand brings balance and regulates the hormone secretion of both the thyroid and parathyroid glands in the neck. This indirectly is very good for flexibility.

Shirshasana (headstand) is referred to as the king of all yoga poses. This pose should be practiced everyday. 

1. The inverted position of a headstand also flushes fresh nutrients and oxygen to the face, creating a glowing effect on the skin.

2. Headstands increase nutrients and blood flow to the scalp, decreasing onset of grey hair.

3. Headstands stimulate and provide refreshed blood to the pituitary and hypothalamus glands.

4. When the adrenal glands are flushed and detoxified with headstands, we create more positive thought. Depression will decrease, as going upside down will almost always put a smile on your face.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Barbecue with my friends

Yesterday around 5 PM the Angel and I went to barbecue at my friends house. We had a wonderful time and we stayed until 10:30 PM. I have my rest day of yoga today and tomorrow I will start new practice.

While I am writing this, the Angel is still with me. She was sleeping more at my place this week than at her house. I joke with her and I told her that I don't want to see her for the entire week. We laughed. 

I am in an excellent physical shape. I would like to maintain it and increase physical strength. Gym exercises must be done with more seriousness and persistence. So attention for next week is yoga practice and gym exercises.

I'll go to buy groceries now, the Angel will go to her home and in the afternoon I will meet my daughter and we will go to buy a laptop for her birthday. Very nice weekend is passing away and I am ready for the next one...

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Continue to improve...

For the things you have to learn before you can do them, you learn by doing them. - Aristotle

Saturday. July 4, 2015. 

On Thursday night I met my friends in 3030 Bar and we had couple of beers. Around 10:30 PM we went to RM, the restaurant on Kipling Ave, and we had a dinner at 11 PM. I overeat and I was having trouble to fall asleep. 

On Friday morning I woke up at 9 AM, had a coffee and I started my yoga practice at 10 AM. It was sweaty and bendy practice. This week I practices on Sunday, Monday, Thursday and Friday. I am getting back into regular routine.

The Angel came last night around 8 PM and we had bottle of vine. We stayed at my home and watched movie. Although we did not finish watching it to the end, we had more important things to do... LOL.

This morning we wake up around 9 AM and I did yoga practice while the Angel took a lot of photos of the practice. In next days I will post the pictures here on this blog. Around noon we went for breakfast in High Park and we walked around the park. We are going to barbecue at my friends place at 4 PM... Lots of fun today.

Having a daily yoga practice is not that hard. What is hard  is letting go of laziness and convictions around what daily practice should look. The main reason I struggle to develop a daily yoga practice is because I am holding on to my expectation, some idealized version of what experience of the practice should look like. 

Ashtanga yoga is a simple tool intended to support my well-being and happiness. If I really want a consistent daily ashtanga yoga practice, I need to let go of the idea that the practice is just another exercise routine. My daily yoga practice must  overcome laziness, any illness or injury, fatigue and tiredness. 


The great thing about ashtanga yoga is that I'll continue to improve through life, and age has nothing to do with ability in yoga. Indeed, practicing ashtanga yoga daily into my senior years is a goal to aspire to as it will keep me fit, confident, strong, flexible, mentally and physically balanced, and self-disciplined.

Friday, July 3, 2015

And they lived happily ever after

I don't like this phrase. Empty, meaningless words... Maybe this post should be with a different title - How I ended up living happily ever after. Haha You don't get it... anyway.

It looks like so easy. You meet the One, the love of your life, and you get together and you live happy ever after...

It is like a ferry tale, but even when you have learned there are no such thing as tooth fairy, many of you still believe in the idea that once you meet the love of your life, you have to remain forever or else it doesn’t count.

Like most of you, I have had my share of relationships ranging from the memorable to the forgettable. Some of the most memorable is of course my marriage but it didn’t last. Until recently, I classified it as a failed relationship. It is the one that I never speak about openly except after couple of beers, as a warning to others, to not do what I did.

Lately, though, I have come to a great realization — what if the love have an end date? What if you are meant to have several relationship throughout your lifetime?

While this may seem anti-romantic or a bit cynical, lets consider it...

Do you believe there is only one person out there, who is right for you. So far, I have not met a perfect couple, all I know is that they fight for years — only to split up on the end. In most cases, it wasn’t even anyone’s fault but rather they grew apart and found they no longer suited each other.

Therefore, wouldn’t it make sense to have more than one relationship - a great love?

The idea of staying together forever is nice, but it tends to be the exception rather than the rule. 

9 of 10 of all relationships are not going to last forever. Relationship have a definitive end date. You change and others in our lives change too. Rather than seeing it as a failing let give it a purpose. I think most of relationship served its purpose, and then went away. 

...and they lived happily ever after... but not together. 

Where have you got these roads, God ?
Can’t you see they are blind, damned?
Why have you made them such, crazy brother, when neither one of them leads there?
There where we waited for dawn,
There where we drank the dew,
Where we rode winds with horses
and woke up the sleeping fields.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Reality vs Illusion

Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. - William Shakespeare

Weird week. I am back to work, it is Thursday but it feels like Monday. A lot of colegues are on vacation this week so there are only few of us working at the office. I use this opportunity to catch up the work and to finish everything I need for next week. 

Last night I went to bed around 9:30 PM. I start reading Reality vs. Illusion book two from Sri Ranjit Maharaj and I am enjoying it very much. The book is about our life and love and illusions and etc... The book clearly indicates that we (as a personality) do not exist. 

Looking from that perspective the life is not the mystery at all. I mean, obviously we are the product of some coincidence. Why do we even exist at all?

I think it’s wonderful when people believe in something... God, Higher Power, Universe, Higher Self, whatever. It is wonderful when people assume they have found the reason for living and they have all kind of excuses for their own daily shit.

I am not there yet. 

I have no idea what my purpose in the life is. How do I discover my real purpose in life? I’m not talking about my job, my daily responsibilities, or even my long-term goals. I mean how can I found out the real reason why I'm here.

Many books I’ve read seem to assume that I'm predestined with some sort of built-in purpose, and all I need to do is take the time to discover it through observation. I just sit down one day and write a mission statement and trust that what comes out of me will be the guiding force for the rest of my life. Perhaps every year I update it.

Personally I think that’s bullshit. 

I see no evidence that there’s any pre-encoded purpose in any of us. What I see so vividly  is emptiness, the yearning, the confusion, the lacking of something. I see that life is hard. You already know that, I'm guessing. 

Life is not a simple lie, it is a hypocrisy. It gives us the notion of free will — and I'd say it's important to believe in free will in our daily lives. We need a concept of free will to hold others and ourselves accountable. But unfortunately there are outside factors that govern our behavior — simply the free will does not exist. But that is yours to discover.

What about... love?

What about it?

Mr. or Mrs. Right is waiting for you out there somewhere, online or in the bar, the One you are destined to be with. And that special someone is looking for you too, and it’s only a matter of time before you meet each other — and of course, you’ll both live happily ever after.


Happily ever after doesn't exist. 

And Life didn't hand pick one special person just for you. In fact, the whole idea of finding fulfillment in someone else is an illusion.

Yup. Reality vs. Illusion...

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Happy Birthday Canada

Canada Day!

Today is Canada's 148th birthday. I woke up at 10 AM and now I lazily drinking coffee with the Angel. She came yesterday evening. We did not go anywhere. Today we will go for a long walk in High Park. The weather is nice, a little cloudy but it is okay.

I don't like to have a holiday when I don't go for a vacation. I like to work and make money. This one - day holiday is just interruption of my daily activities. It is full moon so no yoga today. I will see that Angel takes couple of pictures of my current practice, so I will do a bit of stretching today

My dear readers, in our lives there are no rules that apply to us all. Each of us is unique by its own DNA structure, internal psychological makeup, so we accept some guidance (whatever we choose to call it) to live by. This is why you’re reading this post.

It’s why you read most things, this is why you go to yoga, try to meditate and stay healthy. We’re all trying to figure out what works for us, we are all trying to find a space of peace and happiness in this hamstring wheel we call life. 

A day with no work is great for recapitulation of where we are. This I am going to do today. Just chill out and do nothing. Let’s be honest. We all make judgments. Even on the rest days, I’m judging the hell out of everything I encounter. But what we need the most is our self-recognition and forgiveness.

Learning doesn’t only happen in school, in your yoga class, at the motivational seminar you went to last year, or when you’re done doing the tasks of daily life. The small tasks like washing the dishes, making a bed, and dealing with the bank — is just as important.

Speaking of mindfulness — how about regarding Love. After all, it’s kind of a big deal. So, what is love, that we all are searching for.. It is an openness to be who you are. So be it.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Two years after

and then she left from my life ... bella ciao

Today is exactly 2 years since I separated from my wife. 

I got final divorce papers on January 7th this year but on this day, June the 30th 2013, after 22 years of being married, my wife spoke out and informed me, with the bone-chilling realization, that our marriage wasn’t going to work out. After short conversation we decided to separate. That event rocked the very foundation of my being, leaving me feeling lonely, flawed, enraged, undesirable, hopeless and empty.

Regardless of whether you've ever gone through a marriage breakup or not, I can only describe my own experience. My first month after splitting up was all about grief and mourning for hopes and dreams that can never be fulfilled, shock and bewilderment, guilt, regret, and remorse, sympathy and antipathy... in one word - devastation.

This is my life. I thought. But it was not anymore.

Maybe you're thinking that I, as a spiritual seeker, am supposed to be a sterling example or composure and serenity, a person of exquisite poise and understated elegance radiating love and compassion. Maybe you're thinking I should be a transcendent being who lives untouched by the petty challenges and annoyances of daily life.  

My delicate state of inner harmony was disturbed. I just wanted to go to my new home and to start a new life. I was going through a protracted meltdown that has uprooted me from my well established, boring life. 

I remember our marriage as essentially a marriage of two strangers, we were together while each of us remained utterly alone, pervaded by the deep sense of insecurity, anxiety and guilt. 

Suddenly, there were no locks keeping me chained in my seat in the marriage boredom. I was enslaved by my own fear and ignorance and now suddenly I was free. I just marched myself into this damned idiotic, impossible boring life without ever stopping to think about what I was doing. Now that was over.

Before divorce I tried to be cheerful and to push aside all the relationship problems I was having with my wife. It did not work. She had a courage to speak up. The conversation about our divorce was short. I agreed in terms and conditions.

My divorce isn’t just the death of a relationship, it is the death of a dream I had held since I met my wife. 

Later I discovered that divorce isn't such a tragedy. 

A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching my daughter the wrong things about love. From outside everything looked fine and polished but the melancholy was overwhelmed.

When she said that she does not see future for us I sat listening in silence because I knew she was right. And that was the end of our marriage. Of two people who have loved each other, however imperfectly, who have tried to make a life together, however imperfectly, who have lived side by side and watched the wrinkles slowly form at the corner of the other's eyes.

You know, it takes two to destroy a marriage. Marriage isn't a love affair. It isn't a honeymoon. It's a job. A long hard job, at which both partners have to work, harder than they've worked at anything in their lives before.