Wednesday, March 25, 2015

It's time for an adventure

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what couldn't, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on. - Anonymous

I got up at 6 am... the practice 5 starts in few minutes. Spring energy carries me into new adventures. When you’re desperately holding onto old relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. What love wants for the other person is happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel alone. 

It’s time to focus on myself and what I want. It's time for new adventure. This is a liberating time. 50 years on this Earth gives me freedom I asked for. Breaking up with old emotions are not the end of the world. There will be another relationship, another great love and another bad ending. It’s just a dream.

I have noticed that most people are working hard but getting nowhere. They are always in the past or future and their thoughts never stop.  For me a good life is simply waking with a smile on my face feeling good about the day I am about to live and, at the end of the day having a smile on my face feeling good about the day I have just lived. I feel like I am the richest person alive.

I'm strong, happy and passionate and as such I will get through this exciting time and attract someone equally amazing. I'll not allow sadness, depression or guilt to come to me. In one way or another, I will meet people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships - only if I forgive myself, let go, and open myself up... that's it. 

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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Infinite possibility

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere, they’re in each other all along. - Rumi

I just came from the doctor's appointment. I had regular yearly check up and blood tests are excellent, blood pressure okay and generally speaking doctor said all is fine. I do feel fine, positive, energetic and with good vibration. I'm happy person on a holiday. ;-)

At this time, my life is filled with uncertainty. My years of contracting are coming to an end and I'll become full time employee in June. I don’t know what my job would be, let alone what my life’s mission statement should be.

Sometimes I sit and panic staring into my uncertain future. I always begin negatively, but slowly my dreamer mentality kicking in. I imagine hundreds of possible futures for myself...

You see my dear reader, I realized that my uncertainty is a great asset. I had infinite paths available to me, not just one. So I'm writing the following on this post: 

I vow to live a life of infinite possibility.

Hahaha I know it sounds like a fairly tale, but what it means for my everyday life is that I refuse to allow fear, failure, or insecurities to limit my future. Saying that, let me add, today, I texted her - well, the one I have feelings for and YES, she will come to my birthday party. Isn't that great. She did not ask me what happened and other meaningless questions, she just asked at what time she should be there. Amazing.

I'm different. As Laura said in previous post's comment I do have a lot of emotional garbage from my marriage. My problem is that I don't trust. It takes me a lot of time to trust someone. You know, it’s a hard thing to embrace trust. 

Sometimes all I can see is the cloud of doubt and question marks. But when the future isn't set, when I'm not destined to become just one thing, when there is nothing to expect, I can become anything. In my life this means that when I face starting over, I try to ignore the limits that fear and stress want to put on my life. (I think I already said this :-))

Practice 4 done this morning. Tomorrow is next practice. 

Monday, March 23, 2015

Wandering Around

Nothing is happening these days. I don't know why I am writing this post. I have nothing to say. I want to offer you joy, happiness, self-confidence, hope, trust, and laugh. Nothing is serious, I wish you to be happy...

Generally speaking, the most unhappy people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves. I see that if I complain about life, it is because I'm thinking only of myself. So no complaints. I'm a simple romantic wandering around in this dreamworld...

The more I think about my life, the more I realize there is nothing to be understood... it is better for me to take responsibility for events as they are, instead of blaming others, or circumstances, or weather or whatever. I clearly see that my state of health, happiness, and every circumstance of my life has been, in large part, arranged by myself - consciously or unconsciously.

If you think the life is a serious thing, I'll tell you, you are wrong. Nothing is serious. It seems to me that the way most people go on living, they think that the world or life or whatever is this place where everything is supposed to be logical and consistent. Well, sometimes that is not the case. I have absolutely no idea where I’m going from here.

I have accepted the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to like it. I live my life like I am on a holiday. I may not know where I'm going, but I know that so long as I spread my wings, the winds will carry me...

I am typical Aries, the Fire element, action, enthusiasm and a burning desire to play the game. I love physicality, so I won't sit on the sidelines for long, if at all. I'll jump into the play by full force and I will contribute much in the process.  Sure, some of my decisions may later prove to have been in rush, but I'll never regret taking a shot.

In past week I am analyzing my love-life. Nothing quite happens soon enough for me. I am so impatient and impulsive that I have no words to describe it. I am easily irritated by slowness or moderation in my companions and, though I am sensitive,  most of the time I step over the sensitivities of others. In relationship I am frank and direct but that is not always such a good thing.

I like a challenge that will stir me into action. My current challenge is 30 day of everyday yoga. Today, practice 3 - done. The practice was good, I'm very much motivated to do it and there is no need to write about it. 

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Sunday, sunday

The show goes on....

Practice 2 of 30 completed today at 3 pm. Last night with my friends I went to a night club and we stayed until 2 am. After that, my friends come over to my place for sleepover. We were making breakfast at 3 am and we had wonderful time. A lots of laughing and dancing so my neighbor called the security to calms us down. we were noisy and the music was laud. Oh well, the shit happens.

My friends left around 11 am and I went back to sleep. I slept until 2 pm and then I did my second practice. And that's all that matters. Yoga challenge continues, tomorrow I'm back to my weekday routine.

My birthday is this Friday. In a week I'll be 50. People say that we are old exactly as our driver license said but I don't believe in that. How old I am? People put their ages into fragments and count years. But it could be that I am much older then my age. It could be that I am so old, I am older then this universe. Because without me there will be no universe. Without me there will be nothing. (at least for me). 

Ah philosophy. I don't like to dwell in ideas for long. Simply, the life goes on. 

This dreaming reality is unrolling, I experience people and events but I don't know who benefits from my experience. Now, zen teacher will say - why should be any benefit? There is only experience - chop wood , carry water - carry water, chop wood... for the sake of experiences.

I'm closing many chapters of my life by thinking how lucky I was to have experienced all this. I have now learned nothing in life is permanent I can appreciate reality better, I can open myself to live as on vacation every single day. It does not matter what I do... I'm always on vacation. 

In the end what matters most is: How well did you live? How well did you love? How well did you learn to let go? - Unknown

Saturday, March 21, 2015

To You

Whoever you are, I fear you are walking the walks of dreams,  
I fear these supposed realities are to melt from under your feet and hands;  
Even now, your features, joys, speech, house, trade, manners, troubles, follies, costume, crimes, dissipate away from you,  
Your true Soul and Body appear before me,  
They stand forth out of affairs—out of commerce, shops, law, science, work, forms, clothes, the house, medicine, print, buying, selling, eating, drinking, suffering, dying.

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem;  
I whisper with my lips close to your ear,  
I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you.

- Walt Whitman,  To You, Leaves of Grass.

We can't be friends my dear. I have feelings for you. I want to touch you, kiss you and be with you. You stole my heart so innocently, but with care and grace and perfect negligence.

You told me I don't know you but I do know you. You are self-sufficient, I see you as cold and distant, because you need a significant amount of time to move forward. 

You're never been the type to “fall in love.” In fact, after your divorce, if you have ever been in a relationship to any serious degree, it was likely one of very difficult and confusing things you experienced. 

Perhaps you're too focused on your kids and financial problems to realize that love was knocking on your door, or you're so comfortable with being in control that the thought of surrendering even a little bit to someone else makes you uneasy. There’s also a chance that, despite your outward confidence you're extremely insecure.

Or, maybe you're simply afraid of opening yourself up enough to be loved.

Whatever the reason, it comes down to the fact that you probably don’t know how to handle the love I wanted to give you. It doesn't mean you're lost, it just means that you were not that into me.

I'll remember you as an independent chick with an ability to control your own feelings. You are afraid of relying on others, no matter how much you trust them.

But it doesn't matter anymore. Live your life now. I was just brief exception. The only thing left of you is my empty heart. So, for now, I’ll just continue sitting here, missing you.

Sorry, we can't be friends.

30-day yoga intensive

This practice becomes firmly rooted when it is cultivated skillfully and continuously for a long time. – The Yoga Sutra of Patanjali 1:14

Here we go!!! 

Today, immediately I finish writing this post, I'm starting 30-day yoga intensive practice. There are only two rules: the rule # 1: every day yoga practice for the next 30 days and the rule #2: I'll do ashtanga half primary. The exception will be for my birthday when I'll perform 50 sun salutations. I'll document my practice on this blog.

Spring has come and I'm using Aries energy to increase my well being. This isn't my first rodeo in yoga immersion. In 2006 I have done a lots of yoga and just recently in October last year I had a nice ride for about 28 days. I made the moon and Sundays the rest days which will not be the case now.

Yoga is expensive if you want to practice in a studio with regularity. But in this 30 days challenge I will go to studio too. I've bought 10 passes and that is enough for now.

If I want to consistently enjoy the benefits of yoga, then I need to take the steps necessary to make it a habit.  30-day yoga intensive or the challenge is one of the best ways to develop the yoga habit.  

The core of the 30 day challenge is commitment. It means a promise to myself and following through on it. It means stopping from my life all my old wimpy excuses for failure. It means promising to practice for 60 minutes each day and just doing it. 

I'm not setting unrealistic expectations, but commit to a goal that I can accomplish.  I'll do it for 30 days and I will drastically improve my chances of turning yoga practice into a habit.

To form daily routine for a yoga practice, all I need to do is repeat the practice over a period of time.  Opinions vary on the length of time it takes to form a habit, but most agree that it takes anywhere from three to six weeks of conscious, consistent, repetitive, and focused behavior to develop a new good habit.  It’s not always easy, but the end results are almost always worth it...

So let it start... Practice 1 of 30 coming now!

Friday, March 20, 2015

What am I living for?

I don’t assume that my viewpoint is the only way. You may read these posts and don't agree with me. That's fine. I very often don't agree with what I know. 

Whatever I know, there is still more to understand about life, love and the meaning of all this. I have noticed something, the more I learn, the more I realize how little I know! 

My tendency is to take things for granted. I usually get tired of life because my ideas become fixed. 

"I don’t feel like it” is my main saying. I spend a lot of time asking myself, “What am I living for?” I have the courage to keep that question at the forefront of my mind.

So, What am I living for?

I want to say that my life values are the things that I believe are important in the way I live. They determine my priorities and actions, and, deep down, they're probably the measures I use to tell if my life is turning out the way I want it to.

When the things that I do, the way I behave, match my values, life is usually good – I'm satisfied and content. But when these don't align with my personal values, that's when things feel wrong. This is the source of unhappiness.

My core values are:
  • daily effort for yoga practice, 
  • consistency, my agreement and harmony, for achieving my life goal, 
  • integrity in what I do, say and think, (this is questionable),
  • honesty, as opposed to lying, 
  • devotion and dedication to my life goal. 
I'm not living for anything in particular. But while I'm living I want to maintain a peace of mind. In this restless world which is full of daily problems, stupidities, misunderstandings, errors and omissions, keeping the calmness and having a peace of mind is a rare thing. 

  • I try to live my life with lots of smiling and laughing on imaginary problems that exists only in my head. 
  • I do things I like. I love reading, walking, exercising. 
  • I can not stand noisy people, places, traveling and shopping malls. 
  • A long time ago I have stopped comparing myself to the others. 
  • I don't expect too much out of this dream called life. 
  • I try to be surrounded by people who brings me positive thoughts. I run away from anyone who brings me doubts, unpleasant emotions, mystery and negativity.
  • I want to die with full awareness, without thoughts and desires.
So my life goal is not related to "What" or for "Who" and certainly not "Why", my life goal is "How" I am living this life. I am just another character in the play called life and I want to play this character the best I can. 

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Don't be a nice guy

In my opinion, I am not so nice guy to date. I know what I want, I am extremely aggressive and I'm selfish. As Tash says, "on top of all of that" I am short tempered and highly prone to dumping. I don't think twice before and after the breakup. 

You see, most men fall into either the bad boy or the nice guy category. I want to write a post and urge you, my dear reader, to stop being a nice guy in dating game. I strongly believe that nice guys finish last. 

Nice guys are too nice. They are busy being nice instead of being real and women don't trust that. Keep it real. Nice guys don't want to upset the date so they always have something to complain about. They don't have self-respect. Well, no one respects a bellboy, for god's sake stop opening a car door for her!

Instead set boundaries and make real demands. Don't let a woman walk all over you or control you. Women can't respect a man they can control. No respect equals no attraction.

Be intentionally unavailable. Don't put yourself out there and be ready to answer the text message in 3 minutes or so, don't pick up every phone call. 

Most people lead boring, predictable lives, women are attracted to people who are exciting and a bit unpredictable. Nice guys are never a challenge. Predictable plus no excitement plus no challenge, what do you expect?

If woman loves you she will not like your behavior but she is designed to nurture. Instead of doing this with children, she'll end up doing it with you. They think their love will save you. Nice guys rarely need to be saved. Nice guys don't usually need "to be fixed". 

Women are also designed to procreate with the strongest possible genes. Never ever ask for or want a commitment from your date, that's scary. Clearly understand that a woman don't feel comfortable with people who treat her better than she treat herself. If you don't think much of her, you're simply reinforcing her own belief. A nice guy is treating her in a way she's not familiar with.

Women feel a nice guy won't be good in bed. They think a nice guy won't be able to take control and get the job done. Nice guys don't always know what to say and are sometimes at a loss for words. Be yourself, be charming and know exactly what women want to hear. 

I know, you'll eventually switch over to being selfish, but that is natural. But by the time you reveal your true colors, the woman will fall in love and it'll have a hard time letting go.

Happy dating guys.