Monday, March 25, 2013

He did not leave you very much not even laughter

In my mind images arise and disappear, and only memory gives them continuity, and my memory is unreliable, destructible, perishable, transient. On such flimsy foundations I build a sense of personal existence - vague dreamlike "ME". This vague feeling "me" obscures the changeless state of pure awareness and makes me believe that I'm born to suffer and die.

Can there be change through belief, through identification with a projected image called "me"?

My total consciousness, the hidden as well as the open, is centered round the idea of the "me", the self. I must first see the extraordinarily subtle activities of the "me", of the mind, I must become aware of the ideas, beliefs, speculations and put them all aside, for they are deceptions. In The Stranger Song, Leonard Cohen sings about personality, the ego, the feeling of "me":

You tell him to come in sit down
But something makes you turn around
The door is open you can't close your shelter
You try the handle of the road
It opens do not be afraid
It's you my love, you who are the stranger
It's you my love, you who are the stranger.

The only person who can cause me to suffer, who can cause me to misperceive illusion and separation, is me. Nothing in the dream state causes me to lose a sense of awakened state. Nobody I meet, no situation I deal with has the power to cause me to fell out of awakening. This is one of the most important realizations that I had. It's all an inside job. It's all something I do to myself - mistakenly, unknowingly, and often unconsciously. Every time I believe a thought, I am putting my energy back into dream state.

Self realization or awakening can not be the product of any practice. Notice the thoughts and just let them go.

Let's meet tomorrow if you choose
Upon the shore, beneath the bridge
That they are building on some endless river
Then he leaves the platform
For the sleeping car that's warm
You realize, he's only advertising one more shelter
And it comes to you, he never was a stranger
And you say ok the bridge is someplace later.

How many times I said that the bridge is someplace later? Well, I take all I know, all I have read, all I have seen and I am certain that I understand nothing of it. All that I have understood is not mine. I want to be secure and therefore I need the aid of my understanding, my property, my family. I want to be secure inwardly and also spiritually by erecting walls of belief, which are an indication of my craving to be certain. That is a mere projection of my own personal liking. It is obviously not true. Truth must be something entirely different.

It all depends on my thoughts and how I accept them.

And then sweeping up the jokers that he left behind
You find he did not leave you very much not even laughter
Like any dealer he was watching for the card
That is so high and wild
He'll never need to deal another
He was just some Joseph looking for a manger
He was just some Joseph looking for a manger.

Nobody puts me in bondage except my own imagination. As I think about the world, so will I see it, as is my conviction so will be my experience. I watch my ego at play, I study him in his different moods. I notice how he projects opinions and how such projections transforms itself into feelings. My feelings! I keep my awareness, which is not of thought, and I clearly see that there is only activity - just some Joseph looking for a manger.

And then sweeping up the jokers that he left behind
You find he did not leave you very much not even laughter...

I told you when I came I was a stranger.


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